I wanted to say goodbye music, but it never even left me

I haven't posted anything in a while in any of my social medias, thats because I've been quite busy recently. It's all these studies and all that's keeping me away from making music or having any new ideas. Well, the main reason is money but i see that more of a useless excuse rather than actual struggle because im sure alot of artists can make good music with minimal setup. I'm no exception.

Just i thought i was done with music, i always find myself keep coming back to those thoughts.

When am i gonna make new music?

Dude these sounds are awesome, i wanna learn and try it!

Maybe i could integrate that into my music!

I want my own music...

And it's always when im playing video games or watching films. Those thoughts can never leave me. I wonder why, but then i remembered why i started this.

"I want to become a composer one day to tell a story through music and this is the only way for me to feel free"

Music has been a big part of my life, well not really the conventional music, but purely, instrumental and sounds and vibrations with stories and complexity in them stringed together in harmony. That what makes me want to be a composer. Hearing different sounds working in harmony as the song progresses and tells SOMETHING, it triggers something in my brain that always makes me want to go back to music making. The profound meaning, fitting atmosphere, as if it have its own story to tell. That have been my main goal about music ever since starting. To tell something, through music.

Coming from someone who grew up watching undertale, playing roguelike games, environmental storytelling games and watching films, those are one of the main inspirations i get when it comes to music.

But then reality hits me at this very moment, I didn't even make it that far in this industry. Never even get a commission and nobody wants my service even though its fully free at this moment because all i want is an experience. Then i hear other's music and realized again about the height of competition. I feel like im way too behind, way too old to reach what i wanted. But it never left me. Even knowing all the disadvantages, i keep coming back to music. Trying out new ideas, scrap them all, trying out again, BUT oops, my lite DAW didn't let me save and i go to sleep knowing my DAW probably already crashed due to connection issues and couldn't recover it back. But thats one of the few challenges i have to face.

So, i did make music but never posted it online due to it not being saved or it's just too experimental. But now maybe i'll stop for a while especially because im about to continue my study in marine engineering. Maybe someday once i have enough money with a stable job and life, i'll do this again. (Well actually the time im making music are when im having highshcool exams so i dont think i even have a stable life back then in my music making era xD)

What makes me want to do this post? I watched an anime that's scarily relatable and i just feel like i want to make this statement. Thats about it, Peace out everyone